the guerrilla queer bar in denver - queerbar.com

billy trix here to answer all your questions about life, love, and guerrilla queer bar. billy can't help you with that cute boy's number that got destroyed in the wash. that should teach you a lesson about takin' your pants off at your house instead of his!

billy, what is the guerrilla queer bar?

honey, i was troubled as denver grows in some places (suburbs) and shrivels in others (like my last trick and the gay bar scene), so i sought solace in my fabulous friend barney schlockum in san fransisco. after a few mimosas at brunch, barney told me about his new piercing. it sounded quite painful, and after taking care of the bill and a trip to prada i got to see it! afterwards barney told me about this guy he met who was quite cute and quite endowed, as the rumor had it, of course. not that barney would kiss and tell, we'll just say that eventually i got to see the photos. the conversation turned to the guerrilla queer bar. he told me how the guerrilla gals in san fran would gather the freshest, most fabulously fun people and venture to a straight bar. "don't clone darling, colonize!" barney was little over the gay bar scene, and his idea captured the great feeling when a group of great friends venture to a new city and take it by storm. the energy, the excitement, the new men, you name it. barney had a great idea, and since the guerrilla queer bars inception in may of 2000, the guerrilla queer bar is a fabulously fun concept adopted by 14 other cities. if you'd like to experience it for yourself, join our mailing list. i'm waiting...

billy, help, i just heard guerrilla queer bar is visiting my bar or club. what do i do?

well honeydew, it's easy. all you have to do is make sure you have lots of vodka on hand (and i don't mean the kind in plastic bottles!) and schedule your funnest, cutest waiter boys and girls. we send out nearly 2,500 invitations to our parties and usually expect 200-500 people. bar owners and their staff love us! the denver post reported, "[jackson's hole] saw more business the night of the guerrilla party than it had since the end of the colorado rockies season." (january 7, 2003) don's mixed drinks reported the busiest night their cash register had seen in 57 years. and westword named us "best traveling gay theme night 2003!" bartenders tell us we fill their tip jars quickly and our crowd is fun and respectful. get ready for a fun party!

billy, what is the point of the guerrilla queer bar?

sweetie, what are you saying? we started guerrilla queer in denver and mimicked it like the guerrilla queer bar in san fransisco, and took influnce from all other guerrila queer bars in other cities. it was created as an alternative to the traditional denver bar and circuit party venues. while these are thrilling when you first move to denver from indepenence, missouri, after a while they get to be very repetitive (same music, same scene, etc). there's a whole world full of interesting possibilities in our fine city. so, we thought it would be interesting to get a fun crowd of people together and visit fun, sometimes off the beaten path, places throughout denver (and sometimes beyond). while the name has political connotations (and sometimes we do intentionally invade places that are uptight, white-bread kind of venues), our main goal is to get a fun and eclectic group of people to join us on adventure filled field trips throughout the city.

billy, if there's a really cute straight boy at the bar, is it proper guerrilla etiquette to grab 3 or 4 of your friends and drag him to the bathroom?

girl, you're too late 'cause he's mine, stay away! i suppose if i was modeling in milan that day you would have an oppotunity to drag him to the bathroom, but my take my advice: bribe the closest drag queen with a few martinis and have her busy the girlfriend. girlfriends can't help but swoon over a drag queen when they compliment a straight girls hair or makeup... even though they know deep down that their haphazard finger painting will be the tragic topic of brunch the following morning.

billy, who is the guerrilla queer bar?

darrrling, guerrilla queer bar was started by a group of us who were yearning for something new to do besides going to serengetti, charlie's, the wrangler, the wave or trolling around the cheeseman. as the organizers, which is a misnomer since we aren't very good organizers, we prefer to remain anonymous (partly so we can enjoy our own parties, partly because we're specifically not doing this so we can be "a-list" club scene fags.)

billy, what kind of crowd do you attract?

muffin, we're looking to attract a fun and eclectic group of people (boy, girl, straight, gay) who enjoy exploring the city, socializing, and sometimes behaving like idiots. if you're looking for something new to do, and have an adventuresome streak, you should really come out sometime. we don't care how pretty you are, how many days a week you you work out, etc, etc. we're specifically not interested in attracting whining consumer types who expect their entertainment to be dispensed to them in a shrink-wrapped format. we're also not interested in attracting people who have a tendency to judge others by whether they conform to a particular "look". we're not a commercial, professionally produced event. it's more like an unplanned road trip. a fun crowd begets a fun party, no matter where we wind up at the end of the evening. it's not about what bar or club we start off at, it's about the journey. we mention this because every time we throw a party, we usually get one or two bitter fags (or dykes) spreading negativity because they didn't like the crowd (not pretty enough, too pretty, not cool enough, whatever), the location, or some other petty issue. if you have a negative attitude, yell at customer support people on the phone, judge people you've never talked to, etcetera, please leave your bad energy at home, or better yet, just stay at home and annoy your roommates instead.

billy, why are your events so fun?

sugar, of course we're kind of biased about this, but we think our parties are fun because we attract people with an adventurous streak, and because the evenings are largely unscripted. we rarely know more than where we are going to start the evening, and we only figure that out a few days beforehand. the rest of it, we make up as we go along. this isn't for everyone, but it's a lot of fun for people who like spontaneity. sometimes we stay put in one place if it's a really fun bar. sometimes we set off on a raucous bar crawl throughout an unsuspecting neighborhood. it all depends on the mood of the place, and of the crowd. every party has a life of its own. sometimes they're loungey, low-key events. sometimes they're raucous events where reputations are ruined (or enhanced, depending on your perspective). while we try to set the mood in our invites, we really never know what is going to happen until people show up.

billy, i showed up for a party, but no one was there.

hey love, sometimes our parties are mobile. this might be because we want to go on a bar crawl, or because the staff at the bar we start off at are dicks. therefore, it's important to show up close to the starting time for the event. unless we get 86'd from a place, we'll usually stick around for an hour after the starting time. after that, we might be there, or we might not. if we know where we're going, we try to keep updated information on our phone line, but often we don't. your best bet is to show up close to the starting time to avoid being left behind.

billy, i've never been to one of your parties. how will i know who's who?

porkchop, part of the fun is not knowing who's who, or what's going on. we never tell the bars that we're coming. as "organizers", we like to blend in with the crowd (see above). when the party first starts, there is usually some confusion (lots of people standing around wondering what to do), but once we attain critical mass, it's pretty obvious who's who since the regulars are heading for the door. this is especially true when we colonize bars that attract a crowd that is the diametric opposite of ours. half-assed organizing you might say, but there is a method behind the madness. it's a well known aspect of human behavior that people tend to bond with strangers when they are thrown into unusual circumstances. the confusion and chaos sometimes associated with our events gives you a perfect excuse to talk to the cute guy or girl across the room without having to use a lame pickup line like "so do you come here often?".

billy, what kind of places do you go?

honey, variety is the spice of life. we aim for variety in the types of bars we go to, the nights and times we go out, and in the neighborhoods we visit. as a general rule, we go to a different type of bar in a different neighborhood each time we throw a party. the one thing we do not do is go to stereotypical gay bars as this would defeat the purpose of what we're doing.

billy, how do you make money from this?

smoochy, we don't. never have, never will. we're doing this primarily for our own entertainment, and to contribute something to the local scene. if we tried to commercialize the event by cutting deals with bars, we would ruin the spontaneity of the party. we may occasionally use the parties to raise money for local charities. when we have live entertainment, we also encourage people to tip the entertainers, but this is all voluntary.

billy, is there a cover?

snookums, we never charge a cover, but sometimes the bars we visit do. we try to pick places that are cheap (cheap cover or cheap drinks), but for special occasions), we sometimes break this rule. we never get a piece of the cover, so this does not influence our choice of venues. if a bar takes advantage of our crowd by arbitrarily charging a cover, we use our guerrilla megaphone to empty the bar and relocate our crowd to another.

billy, sounds neat, i'd like to help out!

lamb chop, while most of our parties are pretty easy to organize, we are planning a number of special events during the upcoming year. if you'd like to help organize special events, drop a line to me, billy trix. there's no money in it, but it's a lot of fun, and a great way to meet some cool people.

billy, how do i find the hosts?

pornstar, we usually blend in with the crowd at our parties. so, at most parties, we don't run around playing hostess. since we're not doing this for attention, it's more fun to experience the parties from your perspective. we also get a better sense of what people like and don't like, and learn from each party because of this.

billy, i hooked up on line last night, now i have a rash. what should i do?

girl, what were you thinking? only the trashiest, lowest, most tawdry hook up on line! my screen name is billy.trix by the way! i hear you about your rash, and the only thing i can recommend is coming to the next guerrilla queer bar. perhaps you'll meet a nice doctor.

billy, i'm having subscription problems. can you help me?

girl, what are you thinking? i can't help you with your 'inches' subscription pornwhore!. i can help with your email newsletter. if you're having problems with billymail, email me for personal attention. smooches!

billy, who are you?

girlfriend, what are you thinking? i am fabulous and that's all you need to know!

billy, will you promote my event, fundraiser, bar, business, or bar mitzvah party by mentioning it on your list?

sorry pumpkinlips, guerrilla queer bar doesn't promote events, fundraisers, political organizations or businesses on our email list, even if it is a good cause. i throw fabulous parties and that's what the guerrilla boys and girls have signed up to hear about. there are many other ways to promote your special event: cafe vivid and craig's list are excellent, gaydenver.com, black tie colorado, the glbt community center (although they aren't likely to let you hang up a flyer unless you give them half the proceeds and pretend like they thought of the idea), out front colorado, and h-ink magazine are great places to start.